Kiko is your average, run-of-the-mill teenage witch who enjoys evil schemes, tentacle-monster hentai, and Christian pop music. She is the "white sheep" of her family, and has been shunned by them. Her parents still hold hope that she will become wild and crazy during college.

Bob is Kiko's roommate, who may or may not be homosexual. He enjoys toast, Sailor Moon, long walks on the beach, and unholy experiments involving the animation of previously inert matter. Bob is, honestly, a little scary. He claims to be a misunderstood genius. (Incidentally, he's also the author's favorite character.)

Rob is Bob's evil twin and Kiko's boyfriend. He wants desperately to be able to impress girls, and so he aspires to become a supervillain. He is devoutly Satanist, but loves Kiko despite her Christian beliefs. He is also the guitarist of a horrible punk rock band called "Anarchist Superstar."

Binky is a hamster. A dead hamster. He doesn't do very much, but Bob loves him anyway, and that's what really matters.

The Pointy-Nosed Missionary (PNM) is a scary fundamentalist Mormon who knows the world would be a better place, if only everyone realized they were wrong and agreed with him, instead. Luckily, most people ignore him. His real name is "Jake."

The Curly-Haired Missionary (CHM) is a nice guy who just doesn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to hear about Jesus. CHM is not-so-secretly closeted. His real name is "Fred."

Harold is Bob's pet bunny accidentally-turned (kind of) human. Harold has the ears, tail, and libido of a rabbit, coupled with a highly addictive and obsessive personality. Harold is prone to completely random acts of violence and destruction. He's madly in unrequited love with Bob.

Brendan is one of Kiko's many ex-boyfriends, the leader of their school's Christian youth group, and completely unremarkable and mediocre in every way. His complete inability to succeed at anything has caused him to turn to God, and it hasn't occurred to him yet that maybe the Lord just really dislikes him. He's a geek, not because he's a genius or a computer whiz, but simply because he's a total loser and no one wants to be seen associating with him.

Tim is a tentacle monster down on his luck.